This was originally written on May 21 but was lost in my files.

May 21, 2007

Today, after I unlocked all the doors to the office I went back into my room. This is normal and I usually close my eyes for about another fifteen minutes, then get up and ready before the rest of the staff arrives. Well, today was a little different. I was still tired but didn’t close my eyes. I thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye (sound familiar?) run into my bathroom. When I actually got up to check on this, I looked around the corner and peered into the bathroom. There it was, right by the toilet, a rat, Good morning! It climbed on the toilet lid, and this is when I grabbed my camera cause I thought you all needed to see this! When I got back I couldn’t see it. I saw its tail whip out from under the lid then, with a splash I was ready to be done. Silence. I looked around for something long. With a microphone stand in one hand and a camera in the other I entered the bathroom. As I walked closer to the toilet I heard splashing. I was a little nervous about this whole thing, but lifted the lid with the microphone stand. It couldn’t quite get out, and this is when I snapped the picture. Finally! After a month I finally have proof. Proof it does exist. Proof it is as big as I said. Proof it’s kind of disgusting! So that you are able to really understand…here’s the picture!

Justin

The is just one of the rats...

We received another volunteer yesterday, so I wasn’t able to stay out in Matapila again. I woke up this morning after another crazy Lariam dream (Malaria medication) and started taking care of that which needed to be taken care of, finding my lost earphone cover, typing my bi-weekly report and shaving. I decided to walk down to the Crisis Nursery to inform them of a visitor in the next few days, and yes, to see the babies. Praise God that the Nursery is at a wonderful all time low of about 17 infants. I always take a look to see my favorites, or rather, the ones who have a special place in my heart. This week I was thinking about William and how his story, that of going home, is one that is common. It got me to thinking that someday, all of those children who have a special place in my heart, might return to their families, thus leaving an empty spot in my heart. Well, once again the story continues with joy and sadness. I have joy that another one of my favorites has gone home, and sadness that I will probably never see them again. At first, my reaction was the same, feeling bad, like I didn’t want to be there and that I wouldn’t want to try and connect with any of the other infants. I would lie if I told you that I am okay now and that God brought immediate peace and wholeness to me. He didn’t, or rather He hasn’t yet. He will, I know it, that’s why I almost continued my story as if He did. The truth is it gets hard to connect deeply, caring for these children, and then one day they are gone. Who asked my permission to take them home? I am so selfish at times, and at times it take things like this for God to reveal my own weaknesses. I think this relates so well with our lives and the will of God. We want it our way, now. He wills it His way and in His time. It is always better for it to go His way than ours, even though we disagree at the time. We see it later, that His will is perfect. That is how it works at the Crisis Nursery. It is far better for these children to return home to a loving family than to be just lost in the statistics. It’s better for them to feel constant love, and that from their real family. Yes, we need to show love to them while they are at the Crisis Nursery, but those who go home are now out of that distress and we need to focus on those who are in distress. I now have great peace from God!

Justin

Today was another return from the village. Again, we were in Matapila but this time we stayed there. We were there for about four days, and for four days we went without electricity…and showers. We had baby wipes and hand sanitizer, but it was a dirty week. I showered for the first time in four days this evening and had no clue how dirty I really was until I saw the running water. Dirt covered my hair, ears, arms, legs, and my feet were just something entirely different. My heels are still black! The crazy thing, I’d do it again in a heartbeat, and for longer if I had to! The reason, I love these children. I think I have a bias towards Matapila because of some of the children, but man there are those that really pull my heart out of my chest! Ernest and Kalilani, Chikondi and Ellen are some of the children that have captured me. Ernest will search the whole village after school trying to find me. He does! Sometimes we are so far out of the way, but he appears to hold my hand, be placed on my shoulders and be tickled. He’s always there during the feeding time, and just as soon as his plate and hands are washed, he’s right next to me! Ernest’s sixth (or seventh) birthday was May 23. I was so excited to learn about this! Ernest and Kalilani’s father died and their mother remarried. When this happens in Malawi usually the mother leaves her children to be with her “new” family. Their grandmother cares for them. I asked if they were going to have a party. They said they didn’t even have the change to have a party and it would just be another day. For some reason I couldn’t just let this happen. Now, I know you’re all probably thinking, “He’s a hypocrite! He says not to give anything to anyone except the love of Christ.” You’re probably right, and for this I ask your forgiveness, but God placed this on my heart, I prayed about it and consulted the center director, Shadreck. Through our talking I decided that it would be alright, because of the closeness of my friendship with the family, to buy some cookies, drink concentrate to mix with the contaminated water, and I even bought them plenty of rice for several days as my “gift” to them. The total cost for these items didn’t amount to over five dollars. Some families only have rice on Christmas, sometimes with chicken and sometimes without. I know I can’t impact everyone’s lives in Matapila just like not everyone in Matapila impacts my life. I can tell you that I know I’ve made an impact in just a few children’s lives, just like they have in mine. We are only given so much time on earth, and we physically cannot help everyone by ourselves. I’ve noticed that investing a lot (of time) in a few lives, rather than a little in a lot of lives brings more meaning to the relationship. It is more practical, more personal and is a goal we can actually accomplish. God gives us just enough strength for the time we have!

Justin

Kalilani (front left) and Ernest (front right) and their family.

In the past month, the Crisis Nursery in Lilongwe has seen two mission groups and countless individuals who have given their time to help care for the infants. They have learned that every life has a story. Every child has an epic tale as to why they are at the Crisis Nursery, or as to why not. Just stop by once and you can’t help being filled with emotion. Emotions of compassion, joy and sadness fill your heart when you see their crying and smiling faces, when you feed them or learn their personal stories. Their stories are of malnutrition, malaria and tuberculosis, sometimes HIV/AIDS or death of a mother. The story seems to repeat as the children come to the Crisis Nursery because of the families’ lack of provisions. These are all stories we cry over. We want to provide the change in their lives that would make their story less heartbreaking. Changing the lives of the children is a task that few are called to do, but we all are called to help. We are instructed to look after orphans in their distress (James 1:27). Their distress, or anguish, will only happen for a time, and this is that time! This is the time where we are supposed to help them by any means possible, and this is where the staff, volunteer teams and individuals are helping with the Crisis Nurseries! The stories of these children start before we know, and sometimes continue after we are gone. Sometimes the story continues with us in the picture, and with those are stories hope, peace and love for the children. Some stories end as tragically as they started, while others have yet to be completed. Please pray for the infants at the Crisis Nurseries in Lilongwe and Mzuzu. Pray that God would truly make these infants His, that they would feel His love, the love of the Father pouring out through us. These children need our love, our care and our prayers!

Justin

Me with one of my favorites at the Crisis Nursery...tough to feed but a happy child!

We just got back from the Matapila Feeding Center. I stayed in Matapila for a couple of weeks last year and always look forward to returning any time I get the chance. I’ve worked on the recording project for the past two days in Matapila with the children’s choir. It’s been truly amazing to hear their voices. Every time I hear them sing, even though I know how well they sing, I am still in awe of the beauty. It’s a blessing God has given them, something that can never truly be enslaved, taken away, or sold from underneath them, something that is their own. This isn’t just to promote an Album Release, though supporting them is great, this is to say how much I love the children here.

We arrived in the village just as the children sat down for their meal. All of the children in Matapila know me very well. Most of the time my name is “Justin” as they reach to hold my hand, give me a “thumbs-up” or point at me with a "Who's the man?" look. Other times they refer to me as uncle or "uncolo" sometimes it's "Jastineh”. Any way it’s a little more personal than Azungu (being called white man). I always forget how dirty my hands get from playing with these kids, until I get home to running water and soap. I noticed the other day that, when I talk about these children, there’s such excitement and passion in my heart and voice for dirty hands, clothes and hugs! This comes from someone who, as a child hated climbing pine trees because he’d get sap on his hands, which would only come off when you’d use L.O.C. (a powerful cleaning agent that was, to my knowledge, only sold door-to-door, so we never had enough when I needed it). I am also somewhat of a germ-o-phobic person. I hate subways and public transportation, public restroom door handles (when there’s no paper towels), snotty noses, dirty diapers, the tops of pop cans, someone else handling your food and shaking hands after a soccer match. I use my own pair of fingernail clippers, and especially my own pair of toenail clippers! After I pump gas, I always have this urge to wash my hands, and not because I got fuel on them. Even when I was 3 years old, I couldn’t use a towel someone else, even a family member, had already used, I needed a clean one. So, for me to be at this point, where it doesn’t bother me, so much, anymore is truly from God! I actually look forward to it, at times, the dirty hands and sitting in the dirt with these children! I think it comes when we truly retire ourselves, and start living our lives for Christ. Sharing Christ’s Love is no cheap endeavor, but if we rely on His strength then it gets a little easier to do. I absolutely love Loving, loving like Christ, loving children who are dirty, probably the very reason they are so dirty is because they have no one caring for them or loving them.

Over the past few days I’ve been thinking about heaven. I was reading a book by John Eldridge called Epic. In this book he makes the statement about heaven being a never-ending adventure rather than a never-ending church service. He talks about learning everything we have always wanted to know, taking part of the greatest feast ever known, where the stories will roll on and on, one after another, just like a family reunion. He dared to say that, if you wanted to take a canoe trip down the Amazon River or learn a musical instrument you could do so. The thought came to mind of how much fun and adventure we have as children. I think this is why I am drawn to children. Children embrace adventure, they long to be out in God’s creation learning, exploring, playing in the dirt and coming up with new ways to do things. This thought, along with my new joy of Heaven, caused me to blend the thought of, “faith like a child” and, “never-ending adventure” to come up with something that I hope heaven will be like. Children have fun, they seek adventure, when you show interest in what they do they are drawn to you, when you hold their hand they embrace you, and when you love them they trust you. This is just like our God. So loving, holding our hand, interested in what we do. He pours mercy on our wounds, covers our dirty hands with grace, mends our torn hearts with compassion and gives us shoes of peace. Not only that, He also joins us on our adventures, much like I long to join the adventures of the children. We are able to partake in the adventures with Him! How could Heaven not be fun, exciting and joyous? Yes, we will praise Him because of how great He is, and because of all He’s done.

I would like to be able to spend weeks with these children as they explore the African Plains, which is their backyard, looking for bugs, mice (not so much), or pretending to be in charge of the land. Splashing around in the water of the nearest river (not a chlorinated swimming pool), which will probably be the only bath they take all week and the only time they wash their clothes. It would be tough to do all this and not eat a meal, or just one meal a day. I think this is what God does. He was there, He’s been there, and that is where He will be, right by our side, the Great Adventure Seeker. He became one of us to take us on His voyage. Loving us so we could love Him, being with us for us to be, to be free, to set us free. Freeing us to choose Him, to choose His adventure over our endeavor, our attempt, an attempt we fall sort of. We call Him God, as we give Him a "thumbs-up". Sometimes it's Father as we reach for His hand or, when we see His best in us, we point to Him and give Him the "You're the Man!" look. We then take comfort in the fact that He sees us, points back, and gives us the "You're my child!" look.

Thanks to God for being our Guide in this Expedition, a path we cannot traverse without His grace!

Justin